Twenty-Two

Don't know what I'm supposed to do
or how to be, to get some more out of me
I'm twenty two
So far away from all my dreams
I'm twenty two
feeling blue
- Millencolin

I started writing this blog the day after my 22nd birthday. I've been excited all year for this day to come so I can sing this song all year. When I got home from the lake, where I spent the weekend, and looked up the lyrics, I realized that the chorus was actually way more appropriate to how I've been feeling and how things have been going lately than I first thought.

I'm 22 years old now. I'll be done my B.Sc (honours hopefully) in Anatomy and Cell Biology in December. I'm going to go travel for a term and then I was going to get into medicine. That was the plan, which has since changed. I just found out last week that, once again, I failed the MCAT. And once again, it was the verbal reasoning section that kept me back. After I wrote the exam, alot of people asked me how I thought I did. My response was always "good, but you can never tell with this bloody exam." And that's exactly how it ended up. I thought I had done better with the VR section than my previous attempts, but this time I got my lowest score ever. I don't get this exam. I'm not sure what it's trying to test. I'm perplexed as how to how I can improve my scores. I'm really fed up with everything involving that exam right now.

Where am I going with this? Well in order to reach my dream of getting into Med School and becoming a Forensic Pathologist, I have to pass the MCAT first. I already told myself I'm not writing it again in August because I've done the past 2 summers and it sucks. It really does. I don't think I'd even have the time for studying since I'm working full time and playing Ultimate at least 4, but sometimes 6 days a week with tournaments pretty much every other weekend. I'm loving it and I'm not willing to give that up right now. So for right now, my dream seems so far away.

That's not to say that I don't have a back-up plan. I've got some other things I'd like to attempt. I'm gonna go travel for a couple of months in 2nd term, since i'll be done my degree in the first term. It will most likely be Europe again, but maybe not? I've haven't made that decision for certain yet.

I guess I have some other things I'd like to do in the meantime, too. Maybe attempt a Masters, but that depends on a couple of things. Maybe apply for Physiotherapy, but I'm not sure if my marks are good enough for that. There's nothing for certain though, I don't think anything is.

I guess all this uncertainty has me "feeling blue" at times, and I was definitely feeling blue after I got my MCAT results. I got over it quicker than last time though. Although, it is still a bit of a sore spot for me.

K, that's all i have to write at the moment. I'm going to try and post more often.
KT